Archive for September, 2007

Classics of Dubuque Literature

September 28, 2007

Memories of a Non-Jewish ChildhoodRobert Byrne. Memories of a Non-Jewish Childhood. New York: Lyle Stuart. 1970. Fiction. 192 pages.

“A most unusual novel about growing up Catholic in Dubuque, Iowa.” Author Robert Byrne explains, “The book is a blend of theology and toilet humor, as was my childhood.”

Compared in reviews to Philip Roth’s Portnoy’s Complaint and J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye.

Excerpt, chapter one, part one:

Normally my mother had to resort to violence to get me out of bed, but one morning I was on my feet dressing with the first rays of the sun. In only forty-five minutes I would make my debut as an altar boy in the big church, having completed the initiation of serving a dozen early Masses in the nuns’ chapel. I should have been dreading the mistakes I was bound to make but I was too excited over something else for that. My mind was filled with visions of an event I had been looking forward to for months–this was the day that Porky Schornhorst would light a fart.

Porky Schornhorst lit farts just once a year and only for his closest friends. He was the only person in Dubuque County who could do it or even had the nerve to try.

Out of print. As of September 28, 2007, used copies available from $14.86 to $245.51. Also published in paperback under the title Once a Catholic.

Links

YouTube Video: Author Robert Bryne
Bryne discusses Dubuquers’ reactions to Memories of a Non-Jewish Childhood. July 11, 2007. 49 seconds.

Byrne’s Books and Billiards

Memories of a Non-Jewish Childhood: The Musical by David Resnick

My Dubuque is Different From Your Dubuque

September 11, 2007

Happy Accidents

Happy Accidents (2000), starring Vincent D’Onofrio and Marisa Tomei, is another quirky romantic comedy in which Dubuque is a “running gag.” It’s similar to Sex in the City, but with a sci-fi twist, complete with cameo by 80s “nerd-of-choice” Anthony Michael Hall.

Neurotic New Yorker Tomei falls for Joe Cockeresque D’Onofrio, even though D’Onofrio insists he is a time traveler from the Dubuque of the future. Due to climate change, D’Onofrio informs Tomei, Dubuque will be located on the East Coast by 2470.

Writer/director Brad Anderson explains in the DVD commentary: “People in Iowa might not appreciate the joke about D’Onofrio being a Dubuquer, but it’s funny in Manhattan!”

An excerpt:

D’ONOFRIO:
Okay, look, I’ll say it. All right? I’m not from Dubuque.

TOMEI:
Okay. You’re not from Dubuque. So where are you from then?

D’ONOFRIO:
Dubuque.

TOMEI:
[screams]

D’ONOFRIO:
I’m not from Dubuque in the way you think.

TOMEI:
How many ways are there?

D’ONOFRIO:
I’m not from your Dubuque.

TOMEI:
Since when is Dubuque mine? I’ve never been to Ohio!

D’ONOFRIO:
Iowa.

TOMEI:
Whatever.

D’ONOFRIO:
I’m just saying that my Dubuque is different from your Dubuque.

TOMEI:
How?

D’ONOFRIO:
It doesn’t exist.

TOMEI:
You just said it’s in Idaho.

D’ONOFRIO:
Iowa!

TOMEI:
So your Dubuque doesn’t exist?

D’ONOFRIO:
Yet.

TOMEI:
Yet!

D’ONOFRIO:
Yet.

TOMEI:
So when will your Dubuque exist?

D’ONOFRIO:
2470 . . . AD . . . That’s in 471 years . . . from now.

TOMEI:
471 years?

D’ONOFRIO:
Not counting leap years.

TOMEI:
. . .

D’ONOFRIO:
See, when I say “my Dubuque,” I don’t mean the present Dubuque . . . which is your Dubuque. I mean the future Dubuque, which is where I’m from.

The Most Hated Man in Dubuque

September 4, 2007

According to The Dubuque Packing Company & Charles E. Stoltz by Thomas Gifford (1997), Charles “Chuck” Stoltz was “the most unpopular man in Dubuque with the working man—maybe the most unpopular man in the history of Dubuque.” Considering that Stoltz faced death threats, needed personal bodyguards and off-duty police to protect his home and family, and once even narrowly escaped a roadblock meant to ensnare him, it might be more accurate to call Stoltz the most hated man in Dubuque history.

Stoltz became president of the Dubuque Packing Company, one of the largest and most prestigious companies in the city, at a time when the local pork processing operation was losing nearly $10 million per year. Stoltz closed the local hog kill and fired 1,400 workers, and then sold the entire Dubuque plant to his brother-in-law Bob Wahlert in a deal that enabled Wahlert to rename the facility and cut union wages by 40 percent. Stoltz, a “Dubuquer born and bred,” then moved the remaining Dubuque Packing Company to Omaha, Nebraska, where he later sold it to Eastern speculators in a leveraged buyout.

Stoltz got his start at “The Pack” in the 1960s by marrying the daughter of R. C. Wahlert, acting head of the family company and nephew of founder H. W. Wahlert. Frustrated by his outsider status and by resistance to change at the “tired and overconfident” pork processing company, Stoltz found his niche managing DPC’s long-neglected beef operations.

A self-styled “master of the art of the deal,” Stoltz used DPC resources to acquire several beef processing companies and plants located near cattle supplies in states like Nebraska and Kansas. By the late 70s, beef operations boomed as pork operations stagnated, and R. C. Wahlert chose Charles Stoltz over his own son and heir apparent Bob Walhert to become president of Dubuque Packing Company.

FDL Foods StockyardsThomas Gifford’s book, The Dubuque Packing Company & Charles E. Stoltz, is an apologia for what happened next. According to the book, Stoltz was forced to close the Dubuque hog kill and sell the Dubuque plant to Bob Wahlert and FDL Foods in order to save the remaining core of the Dubuque Packing Company. From Stoltz’s perspective, intense competition and consolidation within the meatpacking industry made the failure of the Dubuque pork processing plant inevitable. The ultimate demise of Bob Wahlert’s FDL Foods, even after union wages had been slashed, seems to support this argument.

On the other hand, Gifford’s book makes clear that at a time when the overall company was profitable, Stoltz had no qualms about using the acquisition of efficient, modern, and non-union plants to intimidate the union at the older Dubuque facility into making difficult concessions. Gifford even seems to suggest that Stoltz had wanted to rid the Dubuque Packing Company of pork operations all along, and had planned to eventually sell the remaining company at a profit to benefit shareholders.

The book, however, favors Stoltz. The author, Thomas Gifford, was a native Dubuquer, Harvard University graduate, and best-selling novelist. Before he died in 2000, Gifford wrote a weekly column called “Jazzbo of Old Dubuque” for the Dubuque Telegraph Herald. Despite this, I could not find a review or even a mention in the Telegraph Herald of Gifford’s The Dubuque Packing Company & Charles E. Stoltz. No publisher is cited in the book, either. Copyright, with “all rights reserved,” is listed as being owned by none other than Charles E. Stoltz.